Saturday, August 10, 2013

Week 18: New Area, New Trials

August 15, 2013


So... I considered not sending an email this week, because... well, that's how hard it's been for me. I'll just send you some of what I sent my President this week, I feel like that's a pretty good description of my week:

"I've struggled a lot, trying to decide what to write you this week. I'm not one to complain too much and I try not to be too negative or focus on the negative things in life (or at least I try not to). This week has been a huge struggle though. I haven't really feel like my depression has ever hit me before while I've been out here, until last week. Each transfer has always been a little rocky for me, but usually not this bad and usually I manage to pull myself out of it pretty quickly. I think it probably has to do with how much I loved my last transfer and every thing about it. I think I'm reaching that point on my mission where I can speak at a level where I am actually capable of really connecting with my investigators and people. I built so many relationships in Buda and really expected to be there for quite awhile, so it was a really interesting call with Elder Greaves when I realized I wouldn't be staying. I tried to be as positive as possible about it, and I try not to think back to Buda because every time I do, I just feel like my heart is being ripped out over and over again - as dramatic as that sounds. I have never experienced a heartbreak before, but I imagine that to be what it feels like. There have been more tears in the past week than in the rest of my mission all put together. I don't question whether Sister Fowers and I were ready to go cosenior yet, because I know that we both had great senior companions who prepared us for this pretty well. It's been interesting to work together, because our seniors and their work methods have been completely different from each others, so it's a hard adjustment. That being said, I do feel like we're more obedient and hardworking together as I've experienced on my mission, so that's always a plus. The work out here is really, really difficult and I feel physically and emotionally drained. We came here and, unfortunately, found that we have a grand total of 0 investigators to work with. That's a huge change from Buda. We're struggling together here to figure out how to most effectively find people; I know that we need to give it some time, but we just don't feel that we're finding much success. I think this is a time of building my faith again, because I am feeling pretty hopeless right now, especially thinking that the two of us could be struggling together through this for 15 long weeks, and that only makes things harder! I don't think I'll ever get that part of my heart back that's currently there In Buda, but I'm trying really hard to be happy and find another part of my heart to give to Veszprém and Sister Fowers."

There's more to it, but it's irrelevant. But, anyway. That's where I'm at at this point. I'm also at a point where I can't decide which would be harder to do, get transferred again in 4 weeks and potentially experience this all over again or stay here where we're having a really hard time. It's harder finding people here than it was in Kispest my greeny transfer, or maybe then I was just still pretty oblivious. It might have been easier because I was also in a trio, so there was always someone keep us entertained. That just makes me feel worse, because I feel so bad that Sister Fowers has to deal with me. She was so excited to be companions and had apparently been praying that she would get to serve with me this transfer, but I don't think she knew what she was getting herself into. haah. That makes it harder, because I'm trying really hard to be here for her, but I've just been so selfish lately trying to make it through this transfer switch and missing last transfer so much. I have literally never experience this with any move from any country or anything. I have never missed a place or people THIS much from what I can remember. I've thought about it a lot lately and it's probably because I always had time to mentally prepare myself and my mind would automatically think of all the bad things about the place or people I was with, so that I wouldn't miss them as much, as sad as that sounds. But, this transfer and this move was the only one that I've really been surprised with. The last transfers, I've always had a feeling that I was leaving, I was just surprised by where I was going, but I was ready to leave. I was NOT ready to leave Buda this transfer. I have actually started praying that by some chance I'll get sent back to Buda at some point in my mission. The chances are slim, but crazier things have happened... especially to me with 3 one and dones. I just feel liek I'm not done in Buda, but I guess that's mission life.

On a more positive note.... I think we might have like the nicest apartment in the mission, or one of them. It actually has AC in our bedroom! So nice! Unfortunately, the elders who lived here before broke the key to our door so we have to use pliers to get in... I'll have to send you a picture of their contraption at some point... haha I've gotten a couple blood blisters from it already. They also thought it'd be cool to leave us dirty dishes in the sink... good thing I love them or... I dont know what would have happened. haha but its okay, because they also left us a good amount of food in the pantry. The city is really pretty, but pretty small. It's the closest city to the Balaton, which is the Hungarian version of a beach. It's a big lake that everyone goes to all summer. It's miles away from here though. Most people we have run into are tourists though and not interested in talking to us. We have tracted a lot already and most people aren't home for the summer. Those who are, are mostly old people who are really strongly Roman Catholic. That's really interesting to me. Normally, in the bigger cities, I have met a bunch of different people from different religions, but it seems like almost all of Veszprém is Catholic... There's a small university here, so we're waiting for school to start again and hopefully we'll meet more people. We met with one guy who goes there and is still here. He was pretty cool, but he is Muslim and from Pakistan and or program mostly ended up being him trying to convince us to believe in the Koran and telling us that we were wrong. haha at least he bought us ice cream! Other than that, we've just been finding. I have a really, really strong tanline now and my hair has gotten much more blonde in just a week outside. If I were wearing a swimsuit, it would always look like I'm wearing a white shirt under it... so that's nice... haha. Another nice thing is that I don't think I've ever been so sincerely complimented on my language before. That's one plus that I can think of, opening at such a young age, sometimes I feel like I might have become fluent over night. hahah just kidding. I'm still not fluent. Actually, I don't know what the point is when one is considered fluent, but I still have points where I can't think of words that I need, but never learned. And, there's still times when I don't know what someone is saying to me. haha but for the most part, the language isn't really a problem.

Well, hopefully that wasn't too depressing of an email. I hope you all have a much better week than I did. (: Love you!


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